There’s a lazy voice in my head.
The one that will gladly spend hours watching TV or reading books while ignoring responsibilities. It often rears its head up at inconvenient times. Like when I’m super anxious about something. But instead of acting, it decides to freeze up and forget everything for a while.
I surrender to it. Let it do what it likes. I’m glad for it. I enjoy the TV and enjoy the books.
Later, I act mad: Why am I like this? I wanted to do x, y and z in the time I spend just lounging around.
I had a conversation with the lazy voice and discovered something surprising:
(in a train)
i was happy to be there
but—
a niggling feeling
twitching insides
what’s wrong i asked
i’m not working it said
i paused
this—
this is not work time
this is fun time
it remained silent
why?
i asked
you’re not afraid of having fun, are you?
i am
now that i think about it
when was the last time i said:
here’s the time i’m having fun
this is what i’ll do to have fun
i—
haven’t done that
i can’t remember the last time i did that
and you call me lazy…
Counting happiness:
all that TV and all those books
and all those characters