Kevin in his latest post: Why I default to “yes”: a deadly combination of wanting to please others, believing that I can handle anything, openness to new experiences, and improv “yes, and” conditioning
Me: YES!
‘Default to yes’ links directly to a stage of overstimulation and later ‘default to no’:
Defaults to saying Yes! to everything.
⬇️
Mind-body gets overwhelmed.
⬇️
Defaults to saying No. to everything.
Because you’re under social, financial or other pressure, you end up having to say yes to things you don’t want to do. If you suppress the feelings of discomfort that arise in these scenarios, you’re numbing your ability to distinguish between what you truly want and what you need to want. In this sense, defaulting to saying yes leads to one of those instances of lying to yourself that I’ve been looking for.
The last stage of ‘default to no’ is a good representation of depression. Some part of you, concerned that you’ve reached some limit, puts its foot down, saying, I'm sick of doing things I don’t want to do. No more!
Of course, when you’re stuck in the state of saying no to everything, you’re also necessarily saying no to the things you actually want to do. As a result, guilt and doubt are born— Why can’t I do this thing I want to do? Maybe I’m not meant for this.
The ultimate answer to life, the universe and everything is...42!
In my opinion, the answer is actually ✨self-awareness✨*. (And consistency.)
*on the personal-scale which is the most relevant scale most of the time
Why self-awareness?
Because there’s actually a loop of behavior:
Defaults to saying Yes! to everything ⬅️ Mind-body recovers
⬇️ ⬆️
Mind-body gets overwhelmed ➡️ Defaults to saying No. to everything
(look at all this hacking with spaces)
Depression comes and goes in cycles, unless we learn to consistently break the loop. Ultimately, you don’t want to be in the ‘default to yes’ stage because that’s when you start falling again.
How to not be in the ‘default to yes’ stage:
Self-awareness (aka feeling your feelings?) You need a strong sense of what you truly want so you can reject what’s superfluous
Being able to say no
Calculating happiness:
the healing nature of sleep